Food Wars

Ahhh, food! Declan and I have begun the amazing journey of introducing solid food.  It's been a fun (and messy) time.  It's also been one of the first mommy wars I've been subject to.  While sleeping, cloth diapering and breastfeeding have all been the topic of comments by other moms, I've never really felt like I had to respond or defend myself the way I do with food.  First there is the debate about when to introduce solids.  4 months you say? Clearly you are trying to ruin your child's stomach lining! 6 months is clearly the ONLY appropriate option.  Well, what about 5 months? Or 5.5 months? Or even 7 months? My favorite part of this whole debate is how quickly people cite research and recommendations.  Research they have not actually read but rather have taken the highlights from (e.g. research now says waiting until 6 months is best).  While I am all for using quality research as the benchmark for some decision making, it amazes me how it can be used as a weapon of "rightness." 

So now you've decided to introduce food.  Are you doing it correctly? Probably not.  I was really interested in Baby Led Weaning when I first started thinking about solids.  A lot of the moms in my circle are of the "hippy" variety you might say.  So all the chatter around BLW sounded really promising. I like the idea of letting the baby choose their food and eat at their own pace.  For us though, it didn't really seem to work.  He liked mushing food but not eating food.  So I started making some purees.  Homemade purees (because clearly I love my child more than someone who buys baby food from the store).  For the most part, I like making the purees.  It makes me think of food combinations that might be interesting for him and makes me buy a variety of foods.  As you can see from the pictures above, I also bought some food packs because they're way easier when on the go.  So now at 7 months, Declan eats a variety of foods.  Purees, melting biscuits and snacks, and bites of random foods like tater tots (the best moms feed babies tater tots...haha). 

On to the food wars.  I've gotten comments about everything from using a spoon is force feeding him, and he'll never learn to eat on his own (for purees), to horror stories about choking and not giving the baby enough food (for BLW).  It's not that these comments are particularly horrible or nearly as divisive as breastfeeding comments but it's the frequency that's interesting. Unlike breastfeeding, where only a handful of people know I breastfeed (or know my secret hidden desire to supplement with some formula), a wide audience sees me give him bites off my plate or a puree off a spoon.  I've never had anyone be rude to me in public while I breastfeed.  That is not the case for feeding him solids.  Once when he was noshing on a piece of mango I even felt the eyes of judgement upon me even though no one said a word.

Daycare

About a month ago, I finally broke down and had to put my dear spoiled (in the best way...haha) baby into daycare twice a week.  I found this amazing Iranian woman who runs a daycare out of her home and is open to cloth diapering and whatever other hippie nonsense I have researched and decided is necessary.  It has been an interesting adjustment.  When I was pregnant I (perhaps naively) thought it would be possible to be at home or school with the baby and still get work done.  At first it was feasible since I have to admit, I was blessed with a remarkably easy baby.  He likes to eat and nap for the most part, does both without much complaint.  The problems arose when he started wanted to roll, crawl, play, poke the dog, etc.  It just became too hard to focus long enough during nap time to be productive.

Hence the daycare.  It was a remarkably hard decision.  There are costs involved (both financial and emotional).  I needed to do work.  I have a dissertation to write, classes to teach and research to conduct.  But it felt (and still feels) selfish.  Was I tossing this little man into an unknown world just so I could get some work done? That seemed so petty.  But the bottom line was, it needed to happen and so the next step became finding a place that I felt comfortable with.  That part was actually easier than I had expected since I had a recommendation.  The woman is lovely.  She's sweet to my son and gives me hourly updates about every song they sing and puree he eats.  I fully trust that he is in good hands.

Liking where he is makes dropping him off easier but it is still hard to knock on that door and hand him over. 

A Student of Sleep

Sometimes I think that it might be rough being the child of a social scientist.  Poor Declan is going to be stuck with my innate desire to "test" everything.  For instance, we've been working on his sleeping.  Of course, in our house this is a process.  First, research! Books, blogs, message boards, and personal stories all offer insights.  The internet is amazing since people are all very willing to give their personal advice/ opinions about EVERYTHING baby related (each person is a greater expert than the next....so judgy! haha).  Some of the books are no better- individuals with few credentials giving "expert" advice while sniping at the authors of other books and techniques.  But the question remains, "What should I do to help my baby sleep?" That question, however, leads to many comments and offers of advice but no real answers.  Thus, the experiment (with an n of 1) has begun. 

So our (I'm including Declan in the process even though he's clearly just along for the ride) experiment has begun with a step by step process of moving the baby from our room to his room and testing when the baby is really hungry and when he just wants comfort.  The final steps involve extinguishing non-necessary wake ups.  And there involves the tricky part and where research seems to fail and opinions run rampant.  If you let the baby cry, you are a HORRIBLE mother.  Your baby will grow up to distrust you and be distant since you have blatantly broken their trust in you.  Wow! Just a little bit of guilt there! The other side of the fence has you answering your baby's cries each and every time because a baby wouldn't cry unless they need you (or something).  Now you're a HORRIBLE mother if you aren't feeding, walking, shushing, placating your baby at all times.  While I agree that's a gross oversimplification of the schools of thought about baby care, the sense that you are always doing something wrong remains.  I mean, come on! I love my baby more than anything.  If my days were free and I could live my life without sleep, I would cater to his every whim.  Sadly, I am required to do things with my day that not only need my time but also a fair amount of cognitive processing (remember that pesky Ph.D.?).  Being brain dead from exhaustion does not really help me finish my degree.  Thus, the experiment.  I think that breaking down the process of sleeping in a step by step experiment allows me to remove some of the guilt associated with having to help my child sleep through the night that does not involve me getting up every 45 minutes.

Maybe Declan will let me know in 18 years if I totally messed him up (more than expected).  As a note to my sweet baby boy, you are sleeping peacefully in your swing right now as I try and test how many times you awaken during the night from the comfort of your swing (rather than the evil crib that you seem to dislike so much).  I apologize in advance if this scars you too badly.  Much love from your mom.